Monday, November 29, 2010

If God studied to become a Chartered Accountant: A tribute to the new Indian English author



I am greatly inspired by the young Indian English author. Their highly imaginative tales of adventures in IIT, IIM, FMS, Nirma, Thadumal Shahani, Choksy high school etc. fascinate me. The variety they think up is astounding. In this fit of inspiration, I myself have written a book. A book about the wonderful journey of a CA student. This is how the back cover of the book reads:

Raghu is a dreamy 18 year old whose dream is to become a CA and enter the high-flying world of drawing T-accounts. However he has no idea that this super-exciting journey is going to lead to him travelling to Baramati, staying up nights to solve the mysterious puzzles such as how to audit a cinema hall, dangerous brushes with the pre-test examiners and sleeping with his boss’ daughter
On his journey he makes some interesting friends: Alok who can’t stop studying, Ashok who can’t stop studying, and a mad and mysterious fellow called Rocky, who can’t stop studying.
Where will this dangerous journey lead Raghu? How will he escape his boss’ wrath? How do the complex relationships among these four friends evolve? And finally.. WHO IS ROCKY?
Some snippets from the book:
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It was Saturday night. Like every Saturday night, Raghu, Alok and Ashok sat together studying for Sunday’s pre-test. For hours they debated on a single question: what is the difference between substantive audit procedures and compliance audit procedures? Rocky walked in, glanced at them and walked out. WHO IS ROCKY? The three decided they were hungry and that “they must eat”. But it was 4 in the morning, and they had no money. Alok had a mad idea, “Our office has a safe for petty cash. Boss gave me the key today to take money for ROC filing. Why don’t we break in through the window, take money from the safe and go eat something? We can replace the cash tomorrow”. Ashok suggested they make maggi at home. They ate maggi.
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“Why didn’t you boys point this out before? This is shocking”, said Batlivala aloud without covering the mouthpiece. Then he immediately switched to a polite tone, said niceties into the phone and hung up. Raghu and Alok’s boss was on the other side. This wasn’t the first time Batlivala screwed them like this. The boys did point it out before, but they couldn’t say anything. After all, Batlivala was their client. He was real mean. And his fart was really smelly. They were at the client’s office auditing, and this guy was making their life hell.
That day, they got their shot at revenge. The client was a pharma company. Some of their sample drugs were kept right there in the office. It was Batlivala’s tea time. They knew that he went to take a leak everyday just before he took his first sip. They waited for him to leave, and quickly but quietly stole into the store room. They looked at all the boxes kept there, and found a very interesting label on one box. Under a name that sounded greek was the word ‘laxative’. They quickly opened it and took out one bottle. Alok couldn’t stop smiling. He kept thinking to himself, only if Rocky were here..
The pair stole back into the office, rushed to their desk and wrote on their audit query sheet: “Test check of sample medicines revealed that expiry dates on some samples had already passed”. Raghu gave Alok a high five. “NOW he’s had it”, he said.
Who is Rocky?
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So this was the story of the four friends. They went on in life to become upright citizens. Raghu’s parents eventually found a nice girl for him and got him married. It was only a coincidence that she was his boss’ daughter. He slept with her soon after they got married. Alok works with an audit firm. He resolved his differences with Batlivala. Ashok wanted to do something completely different, something offbeat. He now works in indirect taxes. He still loves maggi. They never found out who Rocky really is.