It was the kind of morning Mumbaikars from world over will fondly remember from their childhood days. You, standing on a railway platform with roughly 63 X 10^38 other people. Bodies that feel like sponge dipped in oil, and smell like..well, sponge dipped in other unpleasant substances pressing against yours from all directions, including up. Temperature that's only a few degrees above the sun's.
While I was waiting to receive the great DDD, I recalled that I'd never seen a private detective before, and i'm pretty sure noone ever has. Because the only known detectives are characters in novels, and the others have done a pretty good job of protecting their privacy.
"Shh.. password?" said this balding coolie with a goofy smile who owned the body pressing against me from the west.
"Luggage nahi hai" I replied.
"Damn. Wrong password again. Where the hell is this chronicler guy !!?"
My heart stopped beating. "Hey. You are Detective Deboo Dubey!!? I'm Dr. T. My function is to follow you everywhere and act dumb enough to make you look smart."
"Yes, yes! thank god.. i was tired of this sneaking up to people and asking for the password."
"What password?"
"The pass.. damn! I forgot to tell you about the password on the phone. I always use it in covert operations. Anyways, people here are really rude. Some even gave me alms! I'm offended. In Darbhanga, they treat you like any honest, upright man should be treated. They beat you up and kidnap your kid and YOU get to give away money."
I was finally face to face with Detective Deboo Dubey from Darbhanga! What smart a man he must be. You'd expect a detective to have an imposing personality, a beaked nose, wearing a hat or beret or something. But Deboo managed to disguise himself as a withering, balding dirty 40-year old coolie. Though why he was disguised I wasn't sure. When i asked him about it, he murmured something about the art of dejection (I think he meant deduction). But i'm pretty sure that was another ploy of his to mislead his dangerous foes. When he finally took off his makeup, I saw what he really looked like.. a withering, balding 40-year old coolie.
Back home, when I was thinking hard about what i can write in his praise, he sprung out of the bathroom after his shower and rushed towards me.
"Rise, my dear friend. It's time we start work on our first case. Can you lend me a 100? Thanks. So, i was saying.. our first case is called 'The case of the murder'."
"Deboo, can't we have a more interesting name? What is the case about?"
"Not very sure.. I think the lady mentioned robbery on the phone, but i may have misheard. But she did mention she'll pay us some fee. Pay me some fee, I meant. You'll bloody earn royalty on the chronicles anyways. "
"Fine, whatever. But I want to give it a better name. I'm calling it 'The case of the Panting Panda-man'."
"Good man, there's no time for small talk. Let's rush out now."
"Aren't you putting on clothes?"
And so we were out of the apartment in 2 minutes, on our first case.
"Wait." said Deboo, on the pavement outside. We're forgetting something very important.
I waited with bated breath for whatever he was about to say. My first brush with genius!
"I think i left the latch key inside the apartment. Damn."
(to be continued)
While I was waiting to receive the great DDD, I recalled that I'd never seen a private detective before, and i'm pretty sure noone ever has. Because the only known detectives are characters in novels, and the others have done a pretty good job of protecting their privacy.
"Shh.. password?" said this balding coolie with a goofy smile who owned the body pressing against me from the west.
"Luggage nahi hai" I replied.
"Damn. Wrong password again. Where the hell is this chronicler guy !!?"
My heart stopped beating. "Hey. You are Detective Deboo Dubey!!? I'm Dr. T. My function is to follow you everywhere and act dumb enough to make you look smart."
"Yes, yes! thank god.. i was tired of this sneaking up to people and asking for the password."
"What password?"
"The pass.. damn! I forgot to tell you about the password on the phone. I always use it in covert operations. Anyways, people here are really rude. Some even gave me alms! I'm offended. In Darbhanga, they treat you like any honest, upright man should be treated. They beat you up and kidnap your kid and YOU get to give away money."
I was finally face to face with Detective Deboo Dubey from Darbhanga! What smart a man he must be. You'd expect a detective to have an imposing personality, a beaked nose, wearing a hat or beret or something. But Deboo managed to disguise himself as a withering, balding dirty 40-year old coolie. Though why he was disguised I wasn't sure. When i asked him about it, he murmured something about the art of dejection (I think he meant deduction). But i'm pretty sure that was another ploy of his to mislead his dangerous foes. When he finally took off his makeup, I saw what he really looked like.. a withering, balding 40-year old coolie.
Back home, when I was thinking hard about what i can write in his praise, he sprung out of the bathroom after his shower and rushed towards me.
"Rise, my dear friend. It's time we start work on our first case. Can you lend me a 100? Thanks. So, i was saying.. our first case is called 'The case of the murder'."
"Deboo, can't we have a more interesting name? What is the case about?"
"Not very sure.. I think the lady mentioned robbery on the phone, but i may have misheard. But she did mention she'll pay us some fee. Pay me some fee, I meant. You'll bloody earn royalty on the chronicles anyways. "
"Fine, whatever. But I want to give it a better name. I'm calling it 'The case of the Panting Panda-man'."
"Good man, there's no time for small talk. Let's rush out now."
"Aren't you putting on clothes?"
And so we were out of the apartment in 2 minutes, on our first case.
"Wait." said Deboo, on the pavement outside. We're forgetting something very important.
I waited with bated breath for whatever he was about to say. My first brush with genius!
"I think i left the latch key inside the apartment. Damn."
(to be continued)
