Every now and then, fate sends us visionary men who bring
gifts – such as Steve Jobs with his iThings – that we don’t really need. Rarely,
however, does fate send us gifts through men who – and I can’t emphasize this
enough – we can’t quite make sense of. Take Cheteshwar Pujara and his double ton, for instance. If I were
Cheteshwar Pujara and were to score a double ton, I would first take care to:
a) Change my name from something that sounds like a cross between a scooter and
a hill-station to something more earthly and b) Not talkabout my brand new wife’s anxiety regarding my performance in public,
especially if her name is – wait for it – Puja Pujara.
However,
sustainability is key. That sentence doesn’t quite fit here, but after five
years of making corporate presentations, I am aware that you need to use the
word sustainability at least five times in whatever you say or write, and you
have to assure readers that it (?) is sustainable. So I got that out of the way.
The protagonist of this piece however, is Batman. He’s not
the real Batman, but he’s for real; not Batman of
Gotham City, but Batman of Bradford, UK. Not the hero the city deserves or needs,
but one it… you get the point. A few days ago in Bradford, a man dressed
as Batman delivered a burglary suspect to the local police station, and
predictably, disappeared into the night. This Batman, however, created new
paradigms (yes! corporate win) in sustainability (score) of the conventional vigilante model (who's your corporate daddy?). In what way, you ask.
I say in a way that had little to do with the real Batman.
The CCTV camera shot the whole scene. To begin with, our
sustainable Batman wore the old grey-and-black costume, of the KPOW-BAM-POOF
fame. He’s also made a few minor but revolutionary modifications to the Batman
image. Notice, for instance, his differentiated six-pack abs. They are packed
so close together and flexed to such an extent, that a pot belly can easily
impersonate it. See what I mean by revolutionary? I mean sustainable, of
course.
Further, instead of bashing the bad guy’s skull in and
dropping him gagged at the door, Batman drove him to the station, waited for
the cop on duty, and even stood chatting with bad guy till the police took
over. This novel approach to crime-fighting, with love and goodwill, is what
will shape the vigilantes of tomorrow. Why use violence when you can mete out
justice with love, goodwill, and (this part is unconfirmed) alcohol?
Let’s face it. Not all our idealist youngsters are underwear
model-playboy-billionaire-scientist-kung fu champions. Why idolize an
unattainable ideal when we have a model that is easily replicable and is –
mysteriously – working? We need a role model that people are not threatened by.
The cop on duty, for instance, looked at the Bradford Batman and just laughed.
That’s the kind of acceptability I’m talking about.
What we need today is to pick a random man, with minimum
education, IQ and fitness level; with no experience or credentials whatsoever;
with a face that’s so uninspiring that it’s best covered with a mask with
drooping ears, and put him in charge of law and order. That, my friends, will
inspire the youth to serve the country. Congressmen have already picked such a
candidate to become PM. Have you?
By the way, sustainability is key.
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